Over the weekend I was filming a new educational course on premature ejaculation.
I was interviewing a number of experts on the topic, one expert Lawrence Lanoff, author of A Course in Freedom, said something that struck me.
“If you cum too soon, don’t worry about it. Take the pressure off. Now it’s done and you can relax, and just enjoy the pleasure.”
My partner and co-author Jon was there and he got the idea- “We should make a video about techniques to use after a man ejaculates!” I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
So, here it is, a list of 5 things you or your partner can do after he ejaculates:
1) Keep His Pleasure Going– Just because he’s ejaculated doesn’t mean that he can’t have another orgasm, with or without ejaculation. Giving him a soft penis massage can be a way to take him into a whole new realm of pleasure, and he may even get hard again if you take away any pressure for him to perform. Start your touch slow and deep, as he may be really sensitive post ejaculation.
2) Give Yourself a Hand– Let him know that you would like to show him how you pleasure yourself. This is not to make him feel ashamed of the fact that he ejaculated quickly. You can make is ravishingly sexy and even invite him to continue to touch himself. Use toys, show him what you like and have fun.
3) Mutual Oral Play– There’s no shame in climbing on top of him in a 69 position and giving each other a little oral attention. Just like genital massage, oral sex can be amazing when he’s in a post orgasmic state. Plus, it can be easier for the giver of fellatio when his penis is soft. There are some amazing things you can do when he’s soft.
4) Strap-On Play– If you are feeling adventurous and desire something hard inside of you, there is always the option of strap-on play. There are a number of different sizes and shapes of dildos and vibrators that can be used with a number of different styles of harnesses. He can use a traditional harness, a thigh harness, or even a head harness.
5) Sensual Bathing– Pour a hot bath for both of you, surround it with candles and play some soft and sensual music. Soak in the water together, touching, kissing, massaging each other with soaps, washing each other’s hair. We often see this as foreplay, but what about afterplay? Afterplay is important too.
The great thing about extending pleasure and staying sexually connected after he has an ejaculation is that is takes the pressure off. Many men ejaculate before they want to because they are so tense about not ejaculating. When they can relax about it, the issue may resolve itself. I also find that men I work with ejaculate too quickly because they are ashamed of the pleasure and on a subconscious level they ejaculated to stop the pleasure. By extending the pleasure after he ejaculates you can help him to move past his shame about receiving so much yummy sensation.